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Joke of the Day

"Point of etiquette: When attending a chainsaw massacre, don't spend the entire time chainsawing one person. Get out there and mangle."

"Where does a burger go on vacation? The Swiss (cheese) Alps or The Cheeseapeake Valley!"

"My girlfriend said I was too controlling ... and it wasn't her turn to speak."

"Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?"

"What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? Laughing stock."

"Why did Scottish baby sneeze? It got week old."

"Shout out to all the frozen desserts out there. Step to me with a dessert that ain't frozen and I'll snap your damn face off"

"What's the best thing about having sex with 29 year olds? There's 20 of them..."

"If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there. If you're almost there and then she laughs, that's a different thing."

"What did the socialist use before candles? Electricity."