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Joke of the Day

"Are you sure? Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says, ""I think I've lost my electron."" The other asks, ""Are you sure?"" ""Yes,"" the first says, ""I'm positive."""

"I'm actually kind of handsome when you're drunk and the light is low and there's no other dudes around and you have low standards."

"[hell] Satan: Everybody get online & read stuff that makes you mad for eternity Guy next to me: Nooooo Me: I trained my whole life for this"

"I think we should elect Bernie. When Isis hears a Jew is president they will all have heart attacks and die."

"I am going to the Antique Roadshow. Gonna slap my tampon on the table and ask them what period it's from."

"How many /r/jokes reposts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently a lot, because that lightbulb still isn't screwed in."

"Worldwide Survey A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,158,783,476 people, 95% were too lazy to actually read that number."

"""What's that?"" I call it a 'knife' ""Wow, that's the best thing since bread!"" Gregory, I am about to blow your mind"

"The first 2 slices of pizza cure depression and the last 14 bring it right back."

"Reddit, what is your go to Q & A joke? The cornier the better. What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick. What do you call an epileptic cow? Beef jerky."