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Joke of the Day

"[hell] Satan: Everybody get online & read stuff that makes you mad for eternity Guy next to me: Nooooo Me: I trained my whole life for this"

"Being stuck in the"" friend zone"" is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired."

"I'm thinking about buying a greyhound, don't know what the wife is going to say so I'll run it by her first."

"How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb. None. Californians screw in hot tubs."

"The worst part about being told you have Alzheimer's? It doesn't just happen the once. And I'll be posting this again later. If I remember."

"Twitter: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk dial the world?"

"I'd like to personally invite Conan to bring his entire show to Nebraska. We can work out details later."

"What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she gave him a scarf for Christmas? Gee, you knit?"

"Dog Jokes I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won't come when I call him."

"While your honesty is refreshing, I am regretfully unable to accept your chat request, IWillDoYouAnally23."