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Joke of the Day

"I am going to the Antique Roadshow. Gonna slap my tampon on the table and ask them what period it's from."

"Q)What is the condition when a cat loses it eye-sight after being beaten? A)Cat-a-rekt!"

"A Muslim was saying to me today.........."

"Hey doofus, the fashion police called. Your father died last night on duty. He wanted you to have this. ""Slim fitting houndstooth peacoat*"

"What's black and white and red all over? An assassinated President."

"Just gonna say... Number of times Leonard Cohen died before Trump was elected - 0 Number of times after - 1 Draw your own conclusions..."

"Husband: ""Oh the weather is lovely today. Shall we go out for a quick jog?"" Wife: ""Hahaha, I love the way you pronounce Shall we go out and have a cake'!"""

"My family tree is a cactus,,,,,, Yeah, we're mostly pricks."

"Did you hear about the baby that was born with three knees? He was born with a left knee, a right knee, and a little wee-knee"

"""One man's trash is another man's treasure"" it's a great saying... but a terrible way to tell your kids that they're adopted."