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Joke of the Day

"who gives a shit about how many spiders you eat when you're asleep? I'm worried about how many are getting into the other holes"

"What's a pedophile's favorite wing in a children's hospital? ICU"

"What did the limestone say to the geologist? Don't take me for granite!"

"Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Sorry, my cat walked on my keyboard and accidentally typed something Welsh."

"What is the difference between pick and choose? To pick is to make a selection... And choose are what Cubans wear on their feet."

"What's the difference between Barack Obama and Cecil the lion? Ones an African lion, the other's a lyin' African."

"My watch is loose, it keeps slipping out of my hand. ..maybe i should Titan it"

"A fat guy.. A fat guy just keep getting fatter every month..after 5 years he got so fat died. At his funeral a friend of him said: Good thing he died, cuz he was about to blow up. (translated)"

"is this Sara? hi, this is Tom from HS. my god its been years! Anyway, im calling because u changed your HBO Go password & I need the new one"

"What do you get when you combine Avogadro's number of avocados? GuacaMole!"