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Joke of the Day

"ME: [practising my samurai sword moves in the mirror] [ever so slightly later] ME: [dying from massive blood loss]"

"What kind of noodles do they eat in the hood? Spaghetto."

"If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the entire country of Australia for 44 minutes."

"Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody's getting."

"Why couldn't Bill Gates get any girls? His hardware was Microsoft"

"me: so did it hurt? her: yes, a lot me: when i splashed that salsa in your eye? her: I SAID YES"

"What is worse than being kidnapped by the Talibans? Being rescued by the Americans"

"Flirtation tip: glue a dead wasp to your hand before the date, then snatch at the air beside her head and show her the wasp. Say ""close one"""

"What do you call a black man on the moon? An Afronaut."

"This guy at the bar wouldn't shut up about how Zombies ""could be real"" So I killed him... If he comes back...He wins the argument"