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Joke of the Day

"I broke my finger today... but on the other hand..I'm completely fine!"

"One ply toilet paper. Get in touch with your inner self."

"The secret to making a good egg is the way you ap-poach it. *a man in the audience has a stroke and dies from being so angry at this joke*"

"What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse."

"I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes."

"I'll stop at nothing... ...to avoid using negative numbers."

"ISIS is taking back territory after a surprise turn of events. Their new partnership with Samsung is quickly paying off"

"I'm a good driver until there is a cop behind me Then I become a paranoid weed transporter from the border"

"In many ways Trump presidency is like one of your stupider Adam Sandler movies. Basically stupid, but sometimes funny. Ridiculous premise."

"Kevin Smith's new movie looks awful. I think I'd rather watch a movie directed by Southwest Airlines."