53193

Joke of the Day

"I wanna get on a taxi and after riding around a while without saying anything, tell the driver 'I killed myself on that bridge 2 years ago'"

"No one cared about leaving children in cars when I was young. I lived in the back of an old Buick with a pack of wild dogs until I was 9."

"""Dad, I cant sleep."" Dad: [enters chugging a Monster] SLEEP IS DEAD. GET A JOB. ""Dad Im seven-"" Dad: SO WERE THE DWARVES BUT THEY HAD JOBS."

"Yo Momma so dumb she tried to climb mountain dew and thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at Hardees."

"Him: What? You said I could tie you up and do anything I want. Me: WELL WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? Him: Fishing"

"Did you haer about the dyslexic insomniac atheist? He would spend all night long awake thinking about whether or not there was a dog."

"What's different between Trump and the Lannisters? A Lannister always pays his debts."

"Will playing ""GTA IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony"" make me a homosexual? Same question for ""GTA IV: The Lost and The Damned."

"The future Someone asked me the other day if I could see where I would be in 5 years. Come on man, I wear glasses. I don't have 2020 vision."

"Which medical specialty is dedicated to fingering your bum? Anusteaseology."