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Joke of the Day

"If you need a friend (text me) need a laugh (call me) need a hug (stop by) need money (this number is no longer in service)"

"Is anyone going to tell America's Funniest Home Videos about youtube?"

"That'll do, fellas. I think we're good on breathy singer-songwriters who sound like they're creepily whispering rapey stuff in our ears."

"The awkward moment when you realize you have a lot in common with the person you hate."

"Air bags: my car's attempt of cheering me up after accidents by giving me surprise balloons."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He took a sip of his coffee before it was cool."

"So this dyslexic guy walks into a bra... What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexia Association"

"Life is like a box of chocolates- -There is always that one nasty one otherwise know as your neighbor"

"Wait, so hallways in mental institutions aren't called psychopaths? Well they should be."

"""Wow you're one of the nicest old ladies I've ever met!""- me, loudly to a random old lady so my mom can hear"