172651

Joke of the Day

"No one cared about leaving children in cars when I was young. I lived in the back of an old Buick with a pack of wild dogs until I was 9."

"There are 10 types of people... (with a twist) There are 10 types of people, those who know binary and those who don't and those who understand the off-by-one error."

"Waiter: Hi! Our special today is macaroni or cheese! Me: Wait - did you say 'or' cheese? Waiter: *lifts shirt, reveals gun* Look, I'm a cop"

"Karen: Are we ok? Me: [removes earbud] Yes. Karen: It's just that you named a Spotify playlist ""LET'S GET DIVORCED"""

"What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? A canoe occasionally tips"

"*puts bread in toaster* hmm something strange about the toaster today Duck(from in toaster): no there isnt"

"I just found out that I missed a test on stolen flags last week. My teacher had it flagged as missing."

"If your phone gets lost and a noble soul returns it to you.. Its time to change your phone."

"How Many People Do the Police Have to Kill to Start a Riot? 3/5ths"

"Sometimes, when I think about books I touch my shelf"