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Joke of the Day

"I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk?...my apocolypse plans depend on it....thanks!"

"Why are ska bands so clean? They always pick it up pick it up pick it up."

"No, I don't need a bag; I'm gonna juggle this 12 pack, this bag of ice and this whole roasted chicken on my unicycle while whistling Dixie."

"I like my women like I like my coffee... ...drunk. (Now tell me yours)"

"True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable."

"My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded."

"Why is singing like autoerotic asphyxiation? Because sometimes you just gotta belt it out"

"My new girlfriend lets me lick anything off her and I love it. Butter, jam, cheese, you name it she lets me lick it off her. She's a cracker."

"Baby are you an angler fish? Because I'm super into you."

"My teacher thought my essay on Brokeback Mountain was irrelevant to the class. But he said he wanted an essay about the male gays in film!"