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Joke of the Day

"I saw a VW hybrid today. It runs on gasoline and lies."

"Humans are like grapes... Grapes are green or purple, and a human has colors too. A grape is picked, and eaten by a human. Then we die of old age. I'm not good with metaphors."

"Q: Did you hear they put two new faces on Mt. Rushmore? A: Yeah they were Bill Clinton."

"I may be middle-class, but I'm hard. *Al dente*, you might say. **Jimmy Carr**"

"*fingers myself with giant foam Sharknado 2 finger"

"I didn't want to believe that my dad was fired for stealing from the transportation department But when I got home, the signs were all there."

"If you rape a prostitute is it rape or shoplifting"

"""How about if the villain is a psychopath out to make a skin suit?"" - Not in a kids movie, dude. ""Ok, but it's puppy skin?"" - Oh, then YES!"

"That time of year again. Time to impregnate some chick at the office Christmas party and use my bonus to pay for the abortion. Pff holidays."

"U.S healthcare Bam"