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Joke of the Day

"Humans are like grapes... Grapes are green or purple, and a human has colors too. A grape is picked, and eaten by a human. Then we die of old age. I'm not good with metaphors."

Next Joke
 
"[Speech Therapy] Therapist: Repeat after me: I'm thirsty Dad: I'm...thirsty T: I'm hungry D: I'm...H...Hi Hungry, I'm Dad T: *throws clipboard*"
"I recently got a job circumcising elephants the pay is terrible but the TIPS ARE HUGE!"
"My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again"
"Don't have phone sex.... You could get hearing aids."
"Name's Bond. James Bond. *Drinks martini* Jame's Bond. Names Bond. *drinks another martini* Bame's Jond. *Drinks 1 more* THIS IS MY SONG WOO"
"Reducing air pollution isn't an easy task, it's emission."
"I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me in the back."
"Please. Old people. When you comment on a Facebook pic you don't need to end with Love, James. WE CAN SEE YOUR NAME YOU'RE NOT AN OSTRICH"
"costumed new york mayor Rumor has it that for Halloween New York Mayor DeBlasio will be walking around on his knees and going as Mayor Bloomberg"