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Joke of the Day

"The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is the only movie I've ever cried to... I laughed so hard I cried"

"Investigators say the Germanwings copilot suffered from manic depression. One minute he was up, then he was down."

"sorry for my absence, i've been hiding inside my head"

"What came first, the Chicken or the Egg? That depends on which one you had for starters"

"Still complaining about the guy with a million followers taking credit for your tweets? Never had a boss have you?"

"If you go to an animal shelter and ask for a cat, they get really upset if you play them like a guitar and scream ROCK YOU LIKE A FURRICANE."

"Me: 'I love you so much, I'll see you later beautiful' Girlfriend: 'I love you too' Me: *Looks up from patting dog* 'Yeah see you later'"

"Yo mama's so loose and hairy... It looks like Bob Ross screaming at the top of his lungs."

"2 first names I don't trust people with 2 first names: Paul Ryan, Larry David, Martin Lawrence, Saddam Hussein http://www.twitter.com/HireMeImFunny"

"A tall guy in movie theater just sat in front of me and he's on a date so he's going to have good posture the whole time this sucks"