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Joke of the Day

"if she doesn't reciprocate ur first ""i love u"", press ur finger to ur strategically placed bluetooth & say ""oh cool u love me too? nice"""

"Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it."

"Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella? Fo' drizzle."

"[ cookout ] Me: OMG this ketchup is amazing! Host: yea yea we all know you brought the ketchup"

"Hey, new Beatles fans! The fuck have you been doing for the last 50 years? Every record shop would like to know before they close forever."

"Did you hear that Russia considers US intervention in Syria illegal? They even wrote a song about it... ""Crimea River"""

"Using Craigslist can get you murdered, but that's only one of its many advantages"

"What is ""Paulie"" Pennino's favorite restaurant? Red Robin... Ya Bum"

"My doctor told me I only have two months left to live so I shot him, judge gave me 30 years."

"What does a lonely pepper do? Gets jalapeno business."