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Joke of the Day

"Hendrik Lorentz walks into a bar... He sits down at the counter. The bartender asks ""Why the long face?"" Lorentz replies ""What do you expect? I'm barely moving"""

"I caught up with my old English teacher. ""What's new?"" he asked. I said, ""An adjective."""

"Man I love watching women's curling in the Olympics. It's the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me."

"What does train tracks and breast have in common? They are both ment for boys but in the end it's the men who plays with them"

"Why didn't the math professor with a speech impediment get any work done? He was always mathturbating."

"I don't have jealousy issues, but I do have ""flirt with my boyfriend one more time and I may have to cut you"" issues."

"My suit made entirely of Hello Kitty Bandaids did not help me much at my hospital interview. Apparently you have to go to medical school."

"I read a metalworking book on how to attach two pieces of sheet metal together. The story was riveting."

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd? Mick Jagger yells ""Hey! You! Get off my cloud!"" The shepherd yells ""Hey! McLeod! Get off my ewe!"""

"How do you make a hamburger green? Find a yellow cheeseburger and mix it with a blue one!"