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Joke of the Day

"You know what's a cool job?: Mirror inspector I could really see my self doing it."

"[texting] Her: We need to talk. (9:00 am) Him: About? (9:01 am) Him: What? (9:02 am) Him: WHAT??? (9:03 am) Her: Dinner tonight. (4:42 pm)"

"I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me now. But no, she's still alive."

"I started a band with my dog. He barks while I eat Cheetos. It's indie, you wouldn't get it."

"McDonalds ...closing thigh gaps since 1967."

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7,8, 9/11 was an inside job"

"I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system! It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me."

"What the difference between Australia and a glass of milk? Leave the glass of milk alone long enough and it'll develop a culture."

"Did you hear about the guy with the perfectly average facial features. I hear it was a mean look."

"My colleague can no longer attend next week's seminar on innuendo... Now I have to fill her slot..."