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Joke of the Day

"""I'm gonna make you so happy, baby. And then I'm gonna make you real sad."" - gas station nachos"

"What's your best pick up line? Cocaine Edit:spelling"

"Took my girlfriend to the ice cream factory and she fell into the gelato machine She's a sore bae now."

"Wiping your ass is a lot like approaching a traffic light... Red means stop."

"I guess I'm getting old. Now when I hear ""Pour Some Sugar On Me"" I think of 2 things. Who's cleaning it up and I hope we don't get ants."

"What do you call graveyard shenanigans? Tombfoolery."

"What happens when you combine an alpha particle and a beta particle? They become alpha-beta-cle"

"Me, December 2016: I'm going to buy this juicer and lose some weight in January Me, January 2017: I have eaten the juicer"

"How do you make someone holy? You beat the hell out of them."

"I saw a woman breastfeeding her baby in the park one night and so... ...I decided to walk up to her and say, ""Excuse me. Your baby invited me to dinner, Ma'am."""