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Joke of the Day

"Just got a job as a scientist and I fell in love with the periodic table whilst the music was on. It was my chemical romance."

"I love playing The Sims. It's the only time I can watch a family naked and not get arrested."

"Right now, somewhere in China, someone is wokking their dog"

"What do you call two homeless people hitting each other with garbage bags? A Pillow Fight"

"What do you get when you suck all of the Botox out of Madonna? Betty White."

"[Trapped on a Island] *Message in a bottle* ""Please send help!"" *Gets message back, months later* ""Linda invited you to play Candy Crush"""

"Believe it or not, my wife and I were actually matched on Tinder. We'd been married for 12 years."

"What does a tickle me Elmo get before it leaves the factory? Two test tickles"

"Last night I got too drunk and sensibly took a bus home Pretty proud of myself...Never drove a bus before."

"The seven dwarves were sitting around... The seven dwarves were sitting around feeling Happy. Happy left, then they were all fucking Grumpy."