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Joke of the Day

"My doctor suggested I use ice to reduce the pain. But I think this whiskey tastes just fine without it."

"I just saw a guy take a bite out of a kitkat without breaking it apart first. Listen sir, society has rules. Adhere to them please."

"Starbucks should have a separate line for people who don't know what they want or how the world works."

"Two girls and a cup walk into a bar. They get shitfaced."

"Two men of African American descent are standing on the edge of a dock, peeing into the lake. The first man says, ""Water's cold today huh?"" The second one replies, ""Yeah...and deep too."""

"Do you wanna get raped? person: No me: Well that's why its called rape not sexual intercourse"

"Have y'all heard that new hot rapper with Muscular Dystrophy? ""TWO CAAAAAAAAAAAAANES!"""

"911: What's your emergency? Me: I brought a girl home last night 911: That's not an- Me: NOW SHE WON'T LEAVE! *swat team busts down my door*"

"What's the difference between yogurt and America? Yogurt could develop a culture after 200 years"

"Why was Han Solo suspicious when he first put his penis in Princess Leia? It was Luke warm"