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Joke of the Day

"911: What's your emergency? Me: I brought a girl home last night 911: That's not an- Me: NOW SHE WON'T LEAVE! *swat team busts down my door*"

"love i have been in love with the same woman for 17 years now....if my wife ever finds that out she will kill me!"

"What's the difference between a dog and a cat? If a cat were big enough it would eat you."

"I thought Bill Gates would cave and release the new Microsoft Office early. But he kept his Word."

"My Mom burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I guess she should have put the oven on aloha setting..."

"San Francisco airport has RUG on the floor so I can't ""kickslide"" my bag around. What an embarrassing failure of a city & its people."

"I found Peter Dinklage on a HertzsprungRussell diagram... It said ""white dwarf"""

"Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail."

"What is the difference between an egg and a redditor? Eggs get laid at least once."

"How many black people does it to pave a driveway? One. You just have to spread him real thin."