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Joke of the Day

"A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird."

"The worst is that a 27 y/o who wanted to marry Charles Manson & charge ppl to see his corpse had more of a future financial plan than we do."

"How long have I been working for this company? Ever since they threatened to fire me."

"5k mud runners I hate people that brag about paying $ to run a 5k race in mud. Big deal cause in Africa, that's called Wednesday."

"My boss keeps asking me to cut my hair. I keep telling him it is part of my religion I worship the Metal Gods. Edit: TL;DR 666"

"Want to know how to make your PC faster? Paint it black."

"What did the blonde say when she looked down at her bowl of Cheerios? Look, donut seeds!"

"Who sits on Cinderella's keyboard? Buttons."

"What's the opposite of a basic bitch? An acidic bitch."

"What is the stretchiest substance known to man? Human flesh, because in the bible it says that Jesus tied his ass to a tree and walked 100 yards."