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Joke of the Day

"5k mud runners I hate people that brag about paying $ to run a 5k race in mud. Big deal cause in Africa, that's called Wednesday."

"Yeah, I've got that Sexy Librarian thing going on. Except I'm not sexy. Or a librarian. I would like you to keep it down though."

"How much does the average Hipster weigh? About 74,000 Insta-grams."

"Why did the engineer drive the backwards? He had a loco motive."

"Why can't a bike stand on its own? Because it is two tired."

"Why do some people love their VW diesel cars? Well, it's the official car of the New England Patriots after all."

"Have you guys heard what kind of oil Fort McMurray is into these days? Turmoil"

"[on 1st date] Me: Have you ever flown to Paris on a private jet before? Her: No, I'd love to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of cat* this is Tim"

"I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger. And then it hit me."

"What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the galaxy"