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Joke of the Day

"Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep his nuts dry"

"My mum was killed by cancer... Wait no, my dad was a Sagittarius."

"Happy 30th birthday Super Mario Bros. To celebrate, I'm going to eat mushrooms, punch a brick wall & set a turtle on fire."

"What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion I cried when I cut up the onion"

"I googled 'Gary Oldman' and left off the 'r' It was the longest 3 hours of my life."

"What do you call a truck with only five Mexican passengers? Under capacity"

"What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses? Nothing he didn't recognize them!"

"Her: How do you do it w/ 4 kids? Hubs: With the door locked. Me: She means how do we manage...but yeah."

"Saw a really attractive woman the other day... She was wearing a miniskirt and a really low-cut shirt and I kept thinking to myself, ""Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner."" She did...."

"Do gun manuals have a ""trouble shooting?"" section?"