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Joke of the Day

"A Midget Walked Past Me On The Sidewalk Today Wearing A Shirt That Said ""I Hate Black People"" ...I thought to myself ""Well damn- thats a little racist."

"my plan for the day is to lay on the floor and not move"

"You hear what happened to the beauty pageant contestant that came out covered in beef cuts? she was ms. steak'n... and got grilled"

"What's the difference between eating at a restaurant and standing in a field of cows? I don't tip at restaurants."

"How many optometrist does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1... or 2?? Or 1? Or 2?"

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1 to hold the bulb in place and 100 to spin the house around it."

"Telling my daughter garlic is good for you. Good immune system and keeps pests away.Ticks, mosquitos, vampires... men."

"What's the funniest joke you've heard that can be told to a 5th grader? I always loved this one: (works better said out loud of course) What do you call a fish with no eyes? ... A FSHHH"

"What do you call explosive cow vomit? A cud missle!"

"I hate it when I'm digging my own grave at gunpoint and I discover buried treasure."