51978

Joke of the Day

"What car is it best to grow grass on? K-K-K-Kia"

"Why can't Nietzsche use pencils? Because they're all pointless"

"Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? - How to annoy an Avenger when you're on a road trip."

"What do you call a demon that lives in your butt? An ass-soul"

"if i told you you have a beautiful body.... would you hold it against me?"

"""Jill look out the window..."" ""...there's a horse in our yard."" ""No Jack, it's not a horse, it's a cow!"" ""I said look out the window, not in the mirror!"""

"I'm no wine connoisseur, but I do know this bottle of wine pairs perfectly with the bottle I just finished."

"Bring an urn speed dating. Whenever a prospective match asks a question, whisper to urn, ""I don't know, Mom: should I tell him?"""

"Housekeeper >I am a wonderful housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house."

"I am taking a shot for every ""like"" I get on this status. Then again, I'm taking shots whether you bastards like it or not."