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Joke of the Day

"Bring an urn speed dating. Whenever a prospective match asks a question, whisper to urn, ""I don't know, Mom: should I tell him?"""

"Waiter there is a fly in my soup! I know but unfortunately we are out of turtle."

"If you eat a block of cheese and do a lunge, it should balance out, right? Actually, it was less lunge, more trip, but still."

"You know you're in the r/science subreddit when [removed]"

"Hey bartender, I'll take an entendre... ...on second thought, make it a double."

"What is one item which has never been affected by inflation? Deer's Balls There are always under a buck"

"[Command Center] *opens map* *traces route* *marks intercept point* *drives* *waits* *target arrives *tackles* Liquor Delivery Guy: Again?"

"What did the slab of meat say when it was covered in salt and left out to dry? ""I'm cured!"""

"What do a sperm and a lawyer have in common? A 1 in 3,000,000 chance of becoming a human being."

"Two grains of sand in the desert.. The first one turns around and says to his friend: ""Dude, I think we are being followed"". I'll see myself out."