5168

Joke of the Day

"[zoo] ""This is the bear kids"" Wow I want his arms ""What? You cant ha.."" *kid shows tour guide 2nd amendment* ""Bring him the arms smh"""

"Her: What's your fantasy? Me: Sexy nurse! H: Meet me in the bedroom. [10 minutes later] *we both come in wearing nurse costumes* M: Uh."

"I'm going to make end of the world jokes... ... Like there's no tomorrow"

"After the tsunamis in Japan a while back, my Japanese girlfriend dumped me. It's okay though, there were plenty more in the sea."

"Chicken stock has gone up today, but only by a poultry sum."

"some people want to be buried when they die. others want to be cremated. personally, I think I would like to be brought back to life"

"It's that scene from footloose where Kevin Bacon is angry dancing in the barn but it's me trying to do my taxes."

"A psychic dwarf escaped an institution for the criminally insane... It took police weeks to track down the small medium at large."

"Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces"

"[meeting a girl at the bar] ME (nervously cracking every knuckle): hi I'm brandon GIRL: please let go of my hands"