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Joke of the Day

"*sees oven left on ""What moron left the oven on!?"" *tries repeatedly to turn it off ""WTF!? Stupid oven!"" *realizes 425 is the time"

"If we attacked Turkey from the rear... ...do you think Greece would help?"

"I like my mashed potatoes like I like my babies smothered - thought of this while making dinner and discussing having children with my fiance... I don't think I'm ready for kids"

"Why do kangaroos hate rainy days? Because all the kids have to play in side."

"You can never trust an atom because they make up everything"

"What do crocodiles serve at dinner time? Death rolls"

"Did you hear about those new corduroy pillows? They're making head lines..."

"POLICE: POLICE! OPEN UP! ME: My parents never loved me. POLICE: NOT EMOTIONALLY! OPEN THE DOOR! ME: That makes way more sense."

"How does a Russian count '1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi...'? 1 CCCP, 2 CCCP, 3 CCCP... I^will^see^myself^out"

"I bet even Kanye West occasionally looks in the mirror and thinks ""That was kind of silly, what I just did."""