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Joke of the Day
"My doctor said I shouldn't binge drink, so now I just drink all the time."
Next Joke
"Me: Check it out! I'm juggling! Wife: Me: Wife: You're supposed to use more than one ball. Me: Can't you just be happy for me?"
"My girlfriend called me a pedophile I replied ""Shut your mouth you fat cunt"""
"Make a birthday wish for mutant lung power then blow away your cake, your party guests, your house, car, trees, etc."
"My brother's one of the biggest stickup men in town. Gosh is he really? Yes he's a six-foot-six billposter."
"A pop up blocker for coworkers who send you an email and immediately show up at your desk to ask if you got their email."
"I like my feminists like I like my sand. In sacks keeping the flood water away from my house."
"He died doing what he loved smelling things underwater"
"Saw a homeless guy at McDonald's begging for money, told him I'd buy him something to eat. He said no thanks, getting money for Taco Bell."
"Damn girl are you a planet? Because i can see Uranus through my binoculars at night."