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Joke of the Day

"I like my feminists like I like my sand. In sacks keeping the flood water away from my house."

"I married a dog. My wife is a bitch."

"I cheated on my girlfriend once. I was playing monopoly and I took some money from the bank when she wasn't looking. Then I went upstairs and fucked her sister."

"The Queen shouted at some pigeons and they died. Talk about killing two birds with one's tone."

"Every time I put on my striped socks I always have an ominous feeling that today is the day that a house will drop on me."

"I'm jealous of my parents, I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs."

"What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling."

"home is where the pants aren't"

"Why were the welder and stoner such good friends? They both love to spark up joints."

"Got this one from my nephew Knock knock. Who's there? Hoo. Hoo who? Big summer blowout!"