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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Quentin Tarantino make a good first impression? He's always getting off on the wrong foot."

"Justin Bieber's birth certificate... was an apology letter from the condom factory."

"So many people say ""if my memory serves me correctly"" and I'm actually quite shocked at the amount of servants named Memory......."

"what do you call a French OP a baguette"

"Who discovered Victoria Falls? Whoever tripped her."

"I just got a job crushing cans... It's soda-pressing."

"[at the gym] Trainer: ""Why don't you tell me what your workout goals are."" Me: ""Goals? I'm just here so I don't eat for an hour."""

"[meeting a couple at dog park] ""BARK BARK!"" GF: He's usually not like this [pulls me aside] GF: Stop yelling bark bark at those nice people"

"The Beach Boys walk into a bar... ""Round?"" ""Round?"" ""Get a round"" ""I get a round?"" ""Get a round...."""

"Side effects may include: upset stomach, diarrhea, some wolves will chase you, like 6-12 wolves, it's ok"