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Joke of the Day

"I sometimes feel like the Angel on my shoulder is on vacation & the Devil invited his cousin over for a play date"

"What's the difference between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump Pink Floyd actually finished The Wall."

"You are what you eat. *eats Ryan Gosling* *crosses fingers*"

"Kid wants to sit at table, isn't tall enough Me: WHERE ARE ALL THE PHONEBOOKS?! Him: U threw them out saying, who the hell uses phone books?"

"I saw a fat lady accidentally sit on a phone today I guess you could call that a booty call..."

"Catholic Priests are taking one for the team... They're touching children, for Christ's sake..."

"What do snakes take for their sniffles? Antihissssstamines!"

"Why didn't the LoL champ care when she crashed her car? Because it was Elise"

"My girlfriend said she wanted to get properly measured for a new a bra... I said, ""Of course, it's not your eyeliner... You don't want to wing it."""

"Why did the palm tree win the plant race? It was the first to Sago."