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Joke of the Day

"I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me."

"I don't know where I stand on abortion. I like killing babies, but I don't like giving women a choice."

"What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You're too young to smoke. Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted."

"What do a 9 volt battery and a woman's asshole have in common? You know you don't want to, but eventually you are going to lick them both"

"Doctor doctor, I only have 59 seconds to live! Be with you in a minute"

"Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool I gave him a glass of water"

"I USED VOLUME MAXIMIZING SHAMPOO THIS MORNING SO YES I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM IN YOUR FACE OFFICER"

"Why are tourists to Scotland wrongly arrested as pedophiles? They say they came for the 12-year-old Scotch."

"Did you know semen leaves the penis at 50 miles per hour? That means it's illegal to ejaculate in a school zone, but I don't think I got arrested because of the speed."

"Why did Microsoft go straight to Windows 10 and skip 9? Because Windows 8 9."