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Joke of the Day

"A clown sighting was reported at the office this morning but it turns out Karen put her make up on in the car again."

"After decades of study, scientists finally decode whale song. ""Moo. Moo. Moooooooooo. Moo."""

"My girlfriend said I didn't respect her freedom enough So I told her to stop rattling in her cage"

"My son got sent home from school today for chewing gum in class. I had to phone the teacher and explain to her that he's only trying to give up smoking."

"If you say ""Starbucks"" in the mirror 3 times, a girl in yoga pants will appear, steal your hoodie and tell you the best things about Fall."

"According to my doctor, it'd be healthiest to stay away from trans fats. I'm really going to miss tumblr."

"A Jewish kid goes to his dad and says, ""Dad, I need to borrow fifty bucks"". The dad says, ""Forty bucks? I don't have thirty bucks, what do you need twenty bucks for?"""

"All of these people are screaming like they've never seen someone revving a chainsaw on a public beach."

"Hey guys, I have to lettuce you know that I spend half of my celery on vegetables. You carrot stop eating them but that's just my onion."

"What do retards wear on their heads? Handicaps"