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Joke of the Day

"Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working! *eye twitches"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? (Why?) To get to the idiots house."

"My father always told me it isn't real money if you don't make it yourself..... of course that was before he got arrested for counterfeiting."

"[at a party] *taps wife's shoulder* I've looked everywhere...where are all the swings? (wife pulls away from kissing Bob) ""What?"""

"If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer."

"Wine improves with age. I improve with wine."

"Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me Fool me three times, show me how you do that"

"Scanned a customer in the eyes with a barcode reader for being rude to me.... ...should have seen the look on his face, it was priceless"

"Not now kids. Mom is racing her rubber duckies in the bathtub and this time I really think Javier is going to win."

"Difference between gipsy and a pizza The pizza can feed a family of four"