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Joke of the Day

"Scanned a customer in the eyes with a barcode reader for being rude to me.... ...should have seen the look on his face, it was priceless"

"What has 4 legs in the morning, two at lunch, and three in the evening? A cannibal"

"Don't over-share. Don't over-share. Don't over-share. Don't over-share. Don't over-share. HI I'M A NERVOUS POOPER. ... Nailed it!"

"I like mixing laxatives and nitrous oxide on a regular basis, but it's OK... ...I only do it for shits and giggles."

"""and god said LET THERE BE BUTTS and there were butts nice warm jiggly butts everywhere on every human"" - me 2:16"

"I pitched my movie idea to a producer . It was about a kid who found out his transgender uncle was a superhero. I called it Auntman, the producer didn't get the idea, because he was black..."

"One of my dad's Why do serial killers do what they do? For the Kix"

"I like my slaves like I like my coffee. Free"

"i don't need a ""previously on..."" ive been watching this show for 9 hours straight"

"I went to a place to buy some weed, turns out they didn't have any but they sold some shoes... I don't know what those things were laced with but I was tripping all over the place."