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Joke of the Day

"My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding. She got mad and said she's never playing Scrabble with me again."

"I registered as a sex offender.. ..just so I wouldn't have to wake up early to drive the kids to school."

"Your mama so poor....... She went on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire just to make a phone call."

"today a 6 yr old girl asked me if butterflies are flowers that escaped & i was like yo what is yr twitter handle"

"The quickest way to a woman's heart is with a scalpel, a bonesaw, a chest spreader, & ten cc's of nothing to lose."

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window."

"My grandmother was just diagnosed with Parkinson's disease She looks pretty shaken up about it"

"What happens to crude people? Crucified."

"Car company executives must have the best memories in the world because GM recalls everything."

"Why is the new Star Wars film called Rogue One? Because it's a rogue film - a Star Wars prequel that won't be complete shit."