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Joke of the Day

"today a 6 yr old girl asked me if butterflies are flowers that escaped & i was like yo what is yr twitter handle"

"Donald Trump Does this count as putting the punchline in the title?"

"How can a male get a maid for free? He gets married."

"Me: So you're an Atheist? Him: Yup! Me: So what year is it? Him: 2015 Me: based on how years are counted after a certain birth?"

"Too many kids crying. I'm never having kids.I'm just gonna adopt an adult who has a job already."

"Top billiard player retires There are no queues."

"A boss is like a customer in a restaurant. He wants the best food to be served. But when it comes to cooking his own food, he can even eat his own shit."

"I'll call it a ""smart phone"" the day I yell, ""Where's my freaking phone?!"" and it answers, ""I'm here! Under your jacket!"""

"What do you call the teacher who lost her baby? Miss Carriage"

"What's the difference between an erection and a Ferrari? [whisper] I don't have a Ferrari."