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Joke of the Day

"The quickest way to a woman's heart is with a scalpel, a bonesaw, a chest spreader, & ten cc's of nothing to lose."

"Were Trump to propose a ban on Abortions... he could easily modify his slogan to ""Make America Late Again"""

"Careful girls... fat guys just want to get into your pantries."

"Why do police officers sleep with two rocks near their bed? With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed"

"i wish i lost weight as fast as i lose motivation"

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did-in his sleep Not screaming like the passengers in his car."

"I don't watch basketball... If I wanted to see a load of black guys scoring every minute, I'd go to your mother's house."

"????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE- ""Carl, you're fired. You're a horrible mortician."""

"*walks up to microphone during wedding reception* *taps on mic; everyone smiles* ""Anyone that doesn't want their cake, pass it to me please"""

"Did you hear why the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus shut down? Because the Trump administration is now the greatest show on earth!"