50522
Joke of the Day
"Join the food train Chew chew!!!"
Next Joke
"Ruin a date in 5 words... Does this smell like chloroform?"
"I dont always roll a joint... But when I do its my ankle."
"Just once I want a man to sweep me off my feet and carry me to bed WITHOUT all the groaning, swearing and yelling out ""DEAR GOD MY BACK!"""
"What squeaks as it solves crimes ? Miami mice !"
"I'm unsure whether I like my beard. But it's growing on me."
"Kid: Are you the babysitter? Sting: Yes. Every breath you take. Every step you take. I'll be watching you. It'll be fun! Kid: *horrified*"
"When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That's why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson."
"Why would anyone come on Twitter JUST to argue? Don't you have an ex, or a spouse, or a family member that you can argue with?"
"Next time you're at the bar, ask the bartender for a Ryan Lochte When the bartender asks you what's in a Ryan Lochte? Just say ""I don't know, make something up"""