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Joke of the Day

"""I don't want a lot for Christmas."" Later... ""All I want for Christmas is you."" EXACTLY WHAT DOES THAT DO FOR MY SELF-CONFIDENCE, MARIAH."

"Hear about the Donald's ""high energy"" masturbation kit? Tweezers and a magnifying glass."

"I am getting around to writing my essay on herbs for my botany class... It's about thyme"

"Bend over, little fairy... ...a wish is a wish."

"The longest joke in the world Friend showed me this: http://longestjokeintheworld.com It's definitely worth the patience of not skipping to the end"

"My father complained ""I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men."" Dad, you're using Uber."

"how are high schoolers similar to women? they're always asking ""when will this period be over?"""

"A marijuana plantation was set on fire witnesses claim a dragon is responsible."

"Ice cubes are very badass I mean they float around their own blood"

"A black man, a white guy, a muslim and a communist walk into a bar..... Bartender says ""what can i get you mr. president?"""