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Joke of the Day

"My father complained ""I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men."" Dad, you're using Uber."

"Last night I dreamt I was a muffler I woke up exhausted"

"My friend is working on a website and told me he wanted to use MySQL. Why can't he just use HisOwnSQL?"

"What age were pigs discovered in? The Saus Age."

"How many Catholics can you fit in a habit? Nun"

"I took a laxative and smoked some weed. You know just for shits and giggles."

"If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin."

"How does a German call an Irishman? Komm, Sean!"

"My daughter asked if I am going to die someday... I said ""Don't worry sweetheart. I promise I'll be alive for the rest of my life."""

"Yo mama so stupid she went to the orthodontist to get a blue tooth"