50150

Joke of the Day

"What does a proud computer call his little son? A microchip off the old block."

"This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she's not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!"

"What do you call it when...? What do you call it when you photograph childbirth? Child bornography."

"4yo: You're a good dad. Me: Thanks. 4yo: You'd be better if you said yes more. Me: Okay. 4yo: Can I have ice cream? Think about what I said."

"How do you say Vaseline in German? Vienerslidein"

"Did you guys know a Mexican's brain is the most expensive out all the race? Because its brand new and never been used"

"Why do women have orgasms? Because it's just another chance for them to moan."

"Me: you can't just be pretty. You have to be smart too! 8: But mom, you're pretty. Me: Awe thank......wait what?"

"Last night I was driving down an old country road when I hit a pedestrian going 50 mph. It seemed to take forever for help to arrive. That's the last time I use that towing company."

"Why do pencils shave? To look sharp"