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Joke of the Day

"A dad asks 4-year-old son: ""How'd you sleep last night?"" Son says: ""umm... With my eyes closed?"" Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl."

"Where do snowmen keep their money ? In a snowbank !"

"The best thing about Twitter is that I can reveal my deepest and darkest secrets and you dumbasses think I'm joking."

"CROSS THE ROAD... MONKEY Q: Why did the monkey cross the road? A: So he could get spanked."

"Why do I only ran through campsites? Because it's past tents"

"My girlfriend keeps saying that it's not working out. I said, ""well, you haven't gone to the gym for a while, have you?"""

"How many Coldplay members does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, but he has to see Radiohead do it first."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine keeps its pricks on the OUTSIDE"

"What do you call a bird of prey born in the 00's. A millennium falcon."

"Why is Hillary running for President? Because it's easier than running from the law."