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Joke of the Day

"[trying to stick a dollar in a vending machine] vending machine: i have a boyfriend"

"I talk a lot of shit for someone who still uses their fingers to count."

"What does a Latina like on her bagel? Papi seeds."

"My GF's boobs are pretty odd. I sometimes wish she'd just have 2 of them instead of 3."

"What do you call a witch who kills her mother and father? An orphan."

"First witch: My beauty is timeless. Second witch: Yes it could stop a clock."

"I read in the 1930's teething babies were given cocaine. Ridiculous! If they had tooth ache they probably didn't even want to party."

"Is it just me, or does hamstring sound delicious?"

"I know who's Batman's real son It's Lil Wayne!"

"Job interview... (Two men are in an office going through a job application) Manager: ... so, what do you do in your spare time? Applicant: I make clean calls to women and hang up."