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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a witch who kills her mother and father? An orphan."

"A man asks his wife ""Why don't you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?"" The wife says ""I don't like calling you when you're at work!"""

"Me: This is a beautiful flower arrangement Host: That's a salad."

"Telling a woman to get back in the kitchen is a weird insult to lob on Twitter. We can still tweet from kitchens. We have wifi & data plans."

"Someone tried to touch my ass without my permission. Safe to say, I'm not letting anyone on my farm again."

"What do you call a native american cook a sioux chef"

"Sorry man I cant come over. Im busy playing nunchucks ""Dont you mean playing WITH nunchucks?"" No? *tosses another nun off the overpass*"

"I thought I'd tell you a good time travel joke... but you didn't like it."

"What stars go to jail? Shooting stars."

"A movie called Jurrasick Park where there's no dinosaur activity because they're now sick for some reason."