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Joke of the Day

"What kind of modeling clay does a dog use? Fi-Do!"

"Did you here Ram Dass is getting a sex change? He decided to Be Her Now"

"One of the best feelings in the world is not having to set your alarm clock."

"I may make a lot of typos when I text, but in my defense, I do have to look at the road sometimes."

"Some jokes are like doctors... They get better with repeated deliveries."

"Oh you have morals? You must be new here."

"The greatest trick the devil ever played was making you feel productive when you're really just fucking around."

"Grampa: Back in my day, we slept on broken glass, you dunno how lucky you are. Me: Grampa, please. We have Twitter, at least you GOT sleep."

"I'm lost at Costco but everyone here looks like my dad. Just gonna pick the one with the best groceries and start a new life I guess."

"I'm wearing the boxers with the little hearts all over them tonight.... It's probably not a good night to go to jail...."