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Joke of the Day

"The greatest trick the devil ever played was making you feel productive when you're really just fucking around."

"Took the shell off my racing snail to see if I could make it go faster... Just made it a bit sluggish."

"Q: Why do owners of muffler shops sleep so good at night? A: They're exhausted."

"Pro-life or Pro-choice? I'm really unsure how to feel about planned parenthood and abortion. I mean, on one hand I'm all for killing babies but on the other I don't like giving women a choice. Damn..."

"ME: The Wizard told me to choose between a good memory and a big dick GIRL : Wow.. Which did you pick? ME: I can't remember."

"Just go ahead and put ""She always had to pee"" on my tombstone, because that's how everyone's going to remember me."

"What is 2 inches and goes in one direction. Louis Walsh's Penis."

"Why were Popeye's forearms so big? Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage."

"Why dont sharks ... Why don't sharks eat black people? They think it's whale shit"

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together before God & these witnesses to observe the following: 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19 -Prime Minister"