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Joke of the Day
"If you ever get attacked by a bear, throw your shark at it. Also, get a shark."
Next Joke
"I have a real super power of stopping bullets with my face... once."
"I had sex while camping once It was fucking intentse."
"My friends dog just died, he told me he wanted another one just like him... ...why whould you want another dead dog?"
"I had an idea for a hot air balloon underwear company. I couldn't get it off the ground."
"""2015 AND PETSMART STILL DOESN'T HAVE FITTING ROOMS,"" I say somewhat loudly as Fluffy has to try on sweaters right there in the aisle."
"Women are like campfires. Beautiful, hot, smell great, warm your heart. And, both don't like it if you pee on them. Mostly."
"I took my kids' screens away so we could spend some quality time together and it turns out they are really terrible to be around"
"This milk's brand name is ""Organic Valley."" I can't drink it. Too grossed out picturing livers, spleens and pancreases sitting in a valley."
"What do you call a disabled paedophile? A creepy crawler"